The 10 Best Kept Secrets to Actually Believe in Yourself
How to always believe in yourself, you ask? The internet is full of tips and bits of advice about how to believe in yourself, but the problem is that most of them are not telling the whole truth!
As someone who spent years trying to understand how to believe in myself, I quickly realised people were giving me shallow advice. So I made my mission to understand what really works when trying to believe in yourself no matter what!
I am sharing this post to spill all the tea and tell you the 10 best kept secrets to (actually) believe in yourself. So grab a cuppa and let's get started!
How to believe in yourself
#1 Self-belief it’s an ability that can be learned
I see so many people thinking that believing in yourself is like a magical personality trait that some gracious people are born with. Just to leave the rest of us struggling…
But that’s not the real story. In reality, although some people naturally have a more charismatic and assured personality, most confident people were not always like that.
If you don’t feel like a confident person now, this is not your life long destiny. You CAN change your story!
Don’t feel discouraged about your past. You can work on your self-perception and become a person that genuinely believes in themself.
How to always believe in yourself
#2 True self-belief starts inside
It all starts with the story you have been telling yourself.
If you spend your days contemplating how you are not good enough and how everyone is so ahead of you or luckier then you… Well, this is the reality that you are going to perpetuate.
When you do that, you are training your brain to only focus on the things that will make this perspective stronger. When I say “those things,” I mean your flaws, insecurities, lack of etc. vs. other people’s strengths.
This is the world view you are curating: the story about how you are not good enough!
Like a good soldier, your brain will follow your instructions and show how your outlook is right.
But the truth is, those are just thought distortions! They are not an accurate representation of reality!
Now let’s imagine a different scenario. What if, instead of the defeat story you are trapped in right now, you started changing your inter dialogue?
What if you began to say things like: “I am finding ways to become my best self. I am finishing every day, leaving better then I found it. Every day I become more and more like my best self.”
In the same way, you would be training your brain to focus on things that would make this perspective more substantial. With those things being your small wins, daily moments of self appreciation, decisions that made you proud of yourself.
A new world view would be created: the story about how amazing you are! And that’s a much better story.
Believe in yourself inspiration
#3 Your brain is more important than what you see in the mirror…
Believing in yourself is a game played inside your head. I have seen girls that were professional models think and act like they are not good enough. Even though they LOOKED flawless! or acted in a way that wasn't compassionate yet on the exterior are the 'ideal beauty standard' # girlyourinsidesaren'tcool.
In the same way, I’ve seen people who are very far away from the forced upon us beauty standards of our society live lives where no one can drag their self-belief down and are genuinely kind and big hearted. # girlyouarecoolbeyondmeasure
Note: This absolutely goes both /either ways for any person - not just on how they look but how they act because of what they see as not being enough - so act out according to how they feel about themselves. If someone truly loves themselves they love all.
It’s all about what you believe to be the truth about yourself. Our words and thoughts are self-fulfilling prophecies.
Always remeber: What you think you become!
Believe in yourself before others
#4 …But the mirror can help as an ally
On the other hand, I genuinely believe that the mirror can become an ally in the process.
Have you ever tried a new dress and felt like a goddess?
Start making a deal with yourself to put a little effort into how you present yourself. Not because of others, but because of you!
Doing that, every time you check yourself out in the mirror during the day, you can become happily surprised.
Simple things like brushing your teeth, showering, a little perfume and clothes that make you feel confident, can go a long way in changing your self-perception for the best.
How to believe in yourself self confidence
#5 Trick your brain and change your beliefs creating small daily wins to feel like the badass that you are
Remember when I told you that your brain is a good soldier that loves to follow orders?
Besides that, the brain is very judgy, and it’s also giving meaning to everything you do.
The good news is that you can use this in your favor, asking our good friend self-efficacy to come for a little playdate.
According to Albert Bandura, psychologist, and Stanford professor (look at our fancy references in this article - go us!):
“Self-efficacy refers to an individual’s belief in his or her capacity to execute behaviors necessary to produce specific performance attainments (…). reflects confidence in the ability to exert control over one’s own motivation, behavior, and social environment. These cognitive self-evaluations influence all manner of human experience, including the goals for which people strive, the amount of energy expended toward goal achievement, and likelihood of attaining particular levels of behavioral performance.” – American Psychological Association
Now translating to real-life terms: when you cheer yourself on, you put a little block on your “I believe in myself!” wall. When you put yourself down, you take out a little block at your “I believe in myself!” wall.
The reason why I am sharing this with you, it’s because you can use this in your favor! This is something I like to call “building your confidence muscle.”
Chose something that you really want to do, like going to the beach for a swim or going for a run. Now, first step is to make it a ridiculously easy to achieve this goal, see I bet when I said and especially if you are someone like who I was where your self confidence and especially how you look - has been totally crushed. So take for example going to the beach for a swim, I know what most likely is coming to mind - daunting, scary, thoughts! But let's make this easy - all you are going to do is simply - pop on your bathers, pop on your dress, get in the car, go to the beach, sit on the beach on your towel, read a book. That's your first step! Simply right? You have achieved a goal. Because what's happened is as you start to get those small wins by taking one small step, your self-efficacy levels will begin to rise. Because building the “I believe in myself!” wall its not about the size of the action taken, but the fact that the action was completed!
Note: even just putting on your bathers at home and walking around is a big first step. Remember - its not about the size of the action taken, but the fact that the action was completed!
So let's say you want to have the goal of running for 30 minutes. You would break this down but starting with 1 minute at a quicker pace than walking, then next time doing another minute. Building each time with one new action. Because remember again it's not about the size of the action taken, but the fact that the action was completed!
This will completely change your self-perspective and beliefs about who you are and what you can do – for the best.
This is such an easy tip, that's so powerful.
As you build it more and more, you will start to feel confident about going for more significant actions. And, guess what, you will crush them like a confident superstar!
Believe in yourself for you
#6 You can use social media in your favor
According to the study “The Real Truth About Beauty: Revisited”, only 4% of women consider themselves beautiful.
On the other hand, 80% of women agree that every woman has something about her that is beautiful…Even though they don’t see their OWN beauty.
I don’t know about you, but those numbers break my heart.
After looking at them for a while, I started to understand something exciting behind them.
Picture this with me… If I can see the beauty in other women, even though I cannot see it in myself, I can actually use this to turn this picture around.
The way to do this is to curate what types of beauty you will surround yourself with.
If you only follow Instagram Models, who have bodies that are incredibly different from yours… you will continually feel like there is something wrong with you.
But this is only happening because your point of reference is off.
Imagine what would happen if you start to curate your social media with a beauties that are similar to yours or diverse? All body types or woman with similar hair, skin, face structure…
You would start to recognize beauty in others – like you are already doing – and be able to carry that to yourself. Rather then being in a comparison mode that is lack ~ it's a comparison mode of same. I know girl mic-drop - work here done!
And you know what my love? I already did that experiment. It brought me AMAZING results not only for my self-esteem but also for my confidence.
Just give it a shot, you have nothing to lose!
Believe in yourself for success
#7 Your relationships can make you or break you
Okay, let’s break this down into two parts: what your relationships say about you and how your relationships influence your behaviors.
First thing: Do you regularly catch yourself in toxic or drama filled relationships? Do you feel that you are always giving more to people than what they give to you?
If so, those relationships are just reflecting (again) the beliefs and self-perceptions you have about your self.
When you allow yourself to stay in relationships where you are not treated with respect or who shove their perceptions consistently down at you of you, you confirm self-beliefs of not being good enough. You will keep justifying the way they treat you.
Also, it’s crucial to notice that here I am not only talking about romantic relationships, but also friends, co-workers, and even family members.
That’s why it’s so important to curate your relationships to have by your side - people who cherish and treat you with love and respect.
Now going to my second point, you have probably already read or heard this:
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn
To summarise, this means that we are greatly influenced by the ones closest to us. Our worldview, what we talk about, how we see ourselves, and so much more.
If the people around you are negative, continually talking bad about themselves, criticizing everything and everyone… This will play a HUGE part in how you see yourself and the frame of mind you carry.
Once more, that’s why curating your relationships, it’s so crazy important! Choose with care who you want close to you.
Believe in yourself how to
#8 Constant self-development is ESSENTIAL to keep taking your self-belief to new levels
Self-development is a lifestyle.
It’s not about read one book and a few blog posts here and there. This is about making a commitment with yourself that you will always be growing, learning new things, and investing in the most essential asset of your life: yourself.
The more you invest in yourself, the more confident you are, and the more your self-belief has the base to reach higher levels.
Although this takes work, it can actually be really fun!
One of my favorite ways to invest in my self-development it’s through books.
I am an avid reader, Shaun, and I are always talking about what we are reading and adding new things to the our books list.
Another exciting and delightful way to invest in yourself and plant some seeds of growth inside your cute mind is through movies. Yep, you read it correctly!
Do you know that self-development movies are ACTUALLY a thing? They can add so much into your life and help you learn and make sense of ideas you would never be able to in other ways. Movies can also help you process emotions and get insights you need - a good comedy or rom-com always gets me.
Believe in yourself after a lesson learned
#9 Don’t let your past define you
It’s not because you failed once that failure will always be your story.
Giving yourself permission to start over and write a new story, the story you truly want is mandatory if you’re going to really nail this “believe in yourself” thing.
Keep punishing yourself about past mistakes or as I like to call them lesson learned, so you don't close yourself off or have a opportunity missed. As this will only bring your self-efficacy levels down (remember?) and make you feel trapped in the past.
You have everything you need to become the woman you always wanted to become. But you need to let go of the past - past lessons - thank them - to be her.
Believe in yourself, and anything is possible
#10 It’s okay to not feel okay sometimes. This doesn’t mean all your self-belief is gone.
We all have days where we just don’t feel like a real-life goddess walking around. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean that all your magic and self-belief are gone!
Maybe it’s your hormones, your cycle, something you eat, a situation that is stressing you out…
The important thing during those days is to investigate your thoughts and feelings and understand where they are coming from. After that, allow yourself to feel all of your emotions, don’t pretend they don’t exist.
Then aim to create a relaxing environment that allows you to be human and know anything is possible. This will help you to reflect and recharge yourself. And then, move forward!
Last Thoughts ♥
Those are my 10 best-kept secrets to actually believe in yourself! I hope they inspired you, gave you clarity and perspective.
You are amazing, and you were born with a mission and a dream that will change the world. But the first step towards making that happen it’s to actually believe that you can! And that confidence is something you can work to build and have!
Now, I'd love to know: are you feeling like a real-life goddess today? Or today it’s more like one of those days where you just want to stay inside watching tv while eating ice cream? Come on over on Instagram @suzzihartery and let me know.
I am here for you beautiful!